Preparing the child for the birth of a sibling

How to prepare a child for the birth of a sibling?

The birth of a sibling is a very important event in the life of a toddler. For this reason, Parents should not underestimate the emerging emotions associated with this. After all, any such change can evoke a whole range of emotions, from delight to completely understandable fear or uncertainty. The new role in which the child will find himself (older brother or sister) and no longer having Parents “exclusively” are events that significantly change the child’s previous functioning. It is best to explain the situation to him and answer the questions the child asks. If they are difficult, many Parents reach for guidebooks or special booklets that explain the upcoming changes in an accessible way. The sooner we start talking to the child and prepare him for the birth of a sibling, the easier it will be for him to accept the changes taking place in the mother’s body – i.e. the growing belly, but also possible hospital stays and the associated separation, if necessary during pregnancy. Many specialists also advise involving the child in preparing for the birth of a sibling. Choosing a stroller or a name for the toddler together, builds a bond even before the little brother or sister is born.

What age difference is best?

There is no one specific rule as to what age difference between siblings is best. It is up to the Parents to decide when they would like to have another child and what is the right time to do so. Children adapt exceptionally well to change, but it is a completely individual matter how they will react to a new family member. If the children are of similar age (e.g., 2 years difference) they will be able to play and spend time together. However, this involves having two tiny children at home at the very beginning. The older a child is, the more responsibly he or she will approach younger siblings. The decision to have more children should be conscious and dictated by feelings, not by top-down rules.

When to tell a child about a younger sibling?

The basic principle that experts and psychologists point out is that one should not delay too long in telling a toddler that he will have a sibling. The worst possible option is,  if instead of talking frankly with the Parents, the child learns about it by accident from other people. However, it is better to wait until the “safe” week of pregnancy, for example, after the first trimester ultrasound, when the risk of pregnancy loss decreases significantly. Otherwise, it would be very difficult to explain to a toddler what a miscarriage is or why there is no younger sibling in mom’s belly after all. On the other hand, however, it is better not to wait too long to inform the toddler about the pregnancy, because finding out by chance from another person, he may feel insecure and consider the younger sibling a threat. Jealousy in the case of the arrival of a sibling is understandable and natural, but proper preparation of the child can minimize its negative effects and facilitate adaptation in new circumstances.